Tuesday, June 15, 2010

BBBC 2010: Day 3 - Online Relationships?

I have been going back and rereading my last couple posts and I realized something about my writing. I write like I am still writing in college, all technical sounding and I don’t like that. I am going to work on sounding more relaxed and “personal blog like”. So here goes my attempt at that.

I am going to answer both questions for the blog challenge and combine them again like the last post because I think they both pertain to me. When I was 19 years old, I met someone on the internet through the online version of pool on Yahoo games. We continued talking through an instant messenger and I realized that I really liked this guy. We soon started talking on the phone and I spent many hours a day getting to know him. He really liked me and I liked him.

We continued to be close for many years but I never met him in person. We did the whole web cam and phone conversations but I didn’t feel comfortable with meeting him yet. I am kind of a slow to warm up kind of girl and I really needed to feel close to someone before I become “closer”. He stuck around and we talked every single day for a “long time”. I kind of considered him my boyfriend but I didn’t consider him to be until we were actually physically together.

I was also going to college at the time and I didn’t want/need a boyfriend at the time because I was very invested in my school work. Yes, I am kind of a geek, nerd, whatever you want to call it. I didn’t go to parties, do drugs or drink as a college student. I really didn’t have much friends and I didn’t desire having the college lifestyle. That was not why I was going to college in the first place.

I never really told people about my relationship and even though guys tried to get close to me, I didn’t reciprocate. I really like this guy that lived so far away and I eventually wanted to meet him and have a whole relationship. He always stuck around no matter what we were going through. Even though we weren’t together physically, I still felt extremely close to him. I probably felt more close to him than anyone else in my life. He knew things about me that no one else knew and I liked that closeness.

I believe online or long distance relationships are extremely difficult to keep and you do have to work very hard to sustain them. You can’t go out to a dinner or a movie. You don’t get to experience those arms wrapped around you or the feeling of his/her lips near yours. It can be a lonely feeling when you watch other couples around you. However, I got used to it and after a while it didn’t bother me as much anymore. Sure, I thought about it from time to time but I knew and hoped that my day would come eventually. You see, I have a lot of patience and this kind of relationship takes a lot of patience from you.

As the years went by, I felt closer and closer to him. He wanted to visit me but I resisted because of selfish reasons. I had already lost so many people in my life at that point in time and my wounds were fresh. I didn’t want to lose him too. I didn’t want to have him near me and then leave. I was scared of having to get used to being alone again. I also had other reasons which I won’t get into right now. I know a lot of people think I am strange, weird, or weak for making this decision but I was okay with it. Ironically, it took a lot of strength to make that decision because all I wanted at the time was to have him near me. He didn’t leave me because of it either.

It’s funny how I went on and on about this relationship even though I initially started with a very different question. I think it is because it’s my first time actually writing it out on paper. I feel like I am letting out all my thoughts and feelings about the years that went by in this relationship. I think I could go on and on about what happened but I am not going to go into more detail otherwise I will be here all night. Maybe in another post, I will explain what happened but for now I will finish the challenge.

Online relationships require a lot of creativity, communication and trust. Just as in a physical relationship, they can work out great but if one partner fails to work at it, then it will fail. I did feel strange telling people I met him online because I thought they would think I was weird. I hate going to clubs or bars because I don’t like being around a ton of people whom I can’t relate to. I also know that you’re most likely not going to find your husband there either or I at least hope not. I guess finding my online partner was a natural for me. I never realized it back then though.

I don’t think it’s for everyone out there. There are a lot of jerks and creeps online who hide behind their false identities. They are the ones that give online relationships a bad connotation. I think you can find your future partner wherever you may go but I believe that the internet extends those physical boundaries that surround us. Second Life is a just another extension so I don’t see it as any different then the rest of the internet. I personally never had a Second Life relationship for various reasons. Anyways, I think I have already blabbered away enough and I should end this post here. Feel free to ask any questions in the comment section and thank you for reading my post.


  1. I feel on tenterhooks now wanting to know what happened! I'm hoping the relationship worked out for you, it had lasted so many years through so many ups and downs, sounds like it was really strong and you guys were really close.

    I agree that SL is just another medium through which to meet people. I've met up with fellow bloggers that I only knew by reading their blogs, and I've met up with people from online dating services (never worked out! lol). The Internet allows us to cut through some of the song-and-dance that comes with forming relationships in the physical world -- "Should I call first? Or wait for him to call?" or "Is it ok to text him? Would that look desperate?" etc. -- and it also helps us to "meet" a wider selection of people that we might otherwise not have any chance to get to know. It's smart to be careful, of course, but ultimately I don't think it matters how I meet the person as long as we do manage to meet!


  2. Thanks for the comment! I do hope to post about my relationship again very soon. It's rather a long story that would take a long time to tell and I think it is best if it spans over the time of my blogging adventure.

  3. ok, now I'll stalk your blog to read the next episodes. Can I get at least one a day, please? :))

  4. Hehe, I will try and I hope I don't disappoint you.