I have been going back and rereading my last couple posts and I realized something about my writing. I write like I am still writing in college, all technical sounding and I don’t like that. I am going to work on sounding more relaxed and “personal blog like”. So here goes my attempt at that.
I am going to answer both questions for the blog challenge and combine them again like the last post because I think they both pertain to me. When I was 19 years old, I met someone on the internet through the online version of pool on Yahoo games. We continued talking through an instant messenger and I realized that I really liked this guy. We soon started talking on the phone and I spent many hours a day getting to know him. He really liked me and I liked him.
We continued to be close for many years but I never met him in person. We did the whole web cam and phone conversations but I didn’t feel comfortable with meeting him yet. I am kind of a slow to warm up kind of girl and I really needed to feel close to someone before I become “closer”. He stuck around and we talked every single day for a “long time”. I kind of considered him my boyfriend but I didn’t consider him to be until we were actually physically together.
I was also going to college at the time and I didn’t want/need a boyfriend at the time because I was very invested in my school work. Yes, I am kind of a geek, nerd, whatever you want to call it. I didn’t go to parties, do drugs or drink as a college student. I really didn’t have much friends and I didn’t desire having the college lifestyle. That was not why I was going to college in the first place.
I never really told people about my relationship and even though guys tried to get close to me, I didn’t reciprocate. I really like this guy that lived so far away and I eventually wanted to meet him and have a whole relationship. He always stuck around no matter what we were going through. Even though we weren’t together physically, I still felt extremely close to him. I probably felt more close to him than anyone else in my life. He knew things about me that no one else knew and I liked that closeness.
I believe online or long distance relationships are extremely difficult to keep and you do have to work very hard to sustain them. You can’t go out to a dinner or a movie. You don’t get to experience those arms wrapped around you or the feeling of his/her lips near yours. It can be a lonely feeling when you watch other couples around you. However, I got used to it and after a while it didn’t bother me as much anymore. Sure, I thought about it from time to time but I knew and hoped that my day would come eventually. You see, I have a lot of patience and this kind of relationship takes a lot of patience from you.
As the years went by, I felt closer and closer to him. He wanted to visit me but I resisted because of selfish reasons. I had already lost so many people in my life at that point in time and my wounds were fresh. I didn’t want to lose him too. I didn’t want to have him near me and then leave. I was scared of having to get used to being alone again. I also had other reasons which I won’t get into right now. I know a lot of people think I am strange, weird, or weak for making this decision but I was okay with it. Ironically, it took a lot of strength to make that decision because all I wanted at the time was to have him near me. He didn’t leave me because of it either.
It’s funny how I went on and on about this relationship even though I initially started with a very different question. I think it is because it’s my first time actually writing it out on paper. I feel like I am letting out all my thoughts and feelings about the years that went by in this relationship. I think I could go on and on about what happened but I am not going to go into more detail otherwise I will be here all night. Maybe in another post, I will explain what happened but for now I will finish the challenge.
Online relationships require a lot of creativity, communication and trust. Just as in a physical relationship, they can work out great but if one partner fails to work at it, then it will fail. I did feel strange telling people I met him online because I thought they would think I was weird. I hate going to clubs or bars because I don’t like being around a ton of people whom I can’t relate to. I also know that you’re most likely not going to find your husband there either or I at least hope not. I guess finding my online partner was a natural for me. I never realized it back then though.
I don’t think it’s for everyone out there. There are a lot of jerks and creeps online who hide behind their false identities. They are the ones that give online relationships a bad connotation. I think you can find your future partner wherever you may go but I believe that the internet extends those physical boundaries that surround us. Second Life is a just another extension so I don’t see it as any different then the rest of the internet. I personally never had a Second Life relationship for various reasons. Anyways, I think I have already blabbered away enough and I should end this post here. Feel free to ask any questions in the comment section and thank you for reading my post.